RRP 135 — Walter Bailey / From the Trap House to Kona, Part 2: Becoming a Dopeless Hope Fiend

The friend who came for him. A trip they have yet to take. Hope to pass on.

"I needed proof. Matt was my proof."

Walter Bailey said that about his best friend Matt in Part 2 of our conversation. In Part 1, Matt was the person Walter called from a trap house in Northeast Portland. This time, Matt has asked Walter to choose a trip they can take together. They settled on Kona. Walter says he has never been. What stays with him is the person who asked him to go.

We also talked about the parts of recovery that keep changing. Walter has been sober for years, but he still catches himself thinking he isn't enough. He talks about his marriage, his imposter syndrome, and trying to learn how to love himself so he can love his wife better. Julie and I shared some of our own experience with that too.

Walter laughed about the words he uses for himself now: a "dopeless hope fiend." Then he told us about his sponsor's fourth-step worksheet. He filled page after page with resentments. One column was still empty.

He was angry when his sponsor first asked. Then he went back through the list. It is one of the moments in this conversation that I keep thinking about. Walter also talks about what peer workers give to people and why he believes they deserve better pay. He works with high school football players, watching out for the kids as they learn the game.

At the end, Julie asks what Walter would say to somebody who is struggling and doesn't have a Matt to call. Walter asks that person to reach out to somebody and not give up on the chance that things can change.

We are grateful Walter spent this time with us. Give Part 2 a listen, and if you missed how Matt came back into his life, start with Part 1.

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