From pressure and secrecy to freedom and authenticity in recovery
In episode fifty-seven of the Real Recovery Podcast, Julie and Peter sit down with Paul L., a courageous guest whose story takes us deep into the tension between living up to high expectations and secretly battling addiction. Paul shares how striving for academic excellence while managing a hidden life of substance use nearly cost him everything—and how through honesty, community, and spiritual growth, he has found a new path forward.
Living a Double Life: The Weight of Hidden Addiction
From an early age, Paul felt the immense pressure to succeed. Growing up with accomplished siblings, he juggled the pursuit of academic achievement and social acceptance. But behind his stellar grades and polished image, Paul led a secret life that spiraled into addiction. What started as curiosity at a high school gathering became a daily ritual of escape. He describes this early chapter with clarity, noting the painful feeling of being "terminally unique," convinced that no one else could understand his experience.
The Turning Point: From High Achiever to Facing Consequences
Paul’s journey soon took a darker turn. Despite excelling in school and even performing in orchestras worldwide, the pull of addiction deepened. His efforts to maintain both worlds collapsed under the weight of escalating consequences. Eventually, Paul faced multiple felony charges, endured public exposure, and grappled with fractured relationships. These experiences, while devastating, planted the seeds for eventual change. "My addiction came out of a spiritual sickness that started at a really young age. Recovery gave me the chance to reclaim who I really am."
The Role of Lies and the Liberation of Truth
A central theme in Paul’s story is the emotional burden of dishonesty. He describes vividly how lying became second nature, trapping him in a cycle of fear and isolation. "The weight of the lies was unbearable," Paul admits. It wasn’t until he embraced radical honesty—both with himself and those around him—that true healing could begin.
Embracing Spiritual Recovery and Finding Balance
Recovery for Paul is not just about abstaining from substances; it’s about cultivating a spiritual practice and finding balance. He shares how nature, community, and a deepened understanding of his own mind have become essential tools in his journey. Meditation, walks outdoors, and genuine human connection have replaced the fleeting highs of his past life. Paul beautifully expresses, "My addiction came out of a spiritual sickness that started at a really young age. Recovery gave me the chance to reclaim who I really am."
A Message of Hope and Community
Paul’s story reminds us all that recovery is a lifelong journey filled with growth, setbacks, and revelations. His dedication to staying connected with the recovery community, especially through meetings and peer support, has been a cornerstone of his progress. He emphasizes the importance of finding joy in simple moments and encourages anyone struggling to stay close to the support network that truly understands the path to healing.
Paul L.’s journey illustrates the profound transformation that is possible when we confront our truths and embrace recovery wholeheartedly. His story is a testament to the power of community, the liberation found in honesty, and the beauty of rediscovering oneself beyond addiction. If you’ve ever felt the crushing weight of expectations or the burden of living a double life, Paul’s experience will resonate deeply.
Links to Websites Discussed
#RealRecoveryPodcast #RecoveryJourney #PaulLStory #SpiritualAwakening #HiddenAddiction #HighFunctioningAddict #HopeAndHealing #CommunitySupport #PeerDrivenRecovery #ResilienceAndHope @RealRecoveryPodcast
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Finding faith, healing, and purpose through Dual Diagnosis Anonymous
In episode 56 of the Real Recovery Podcast, we sit down with Doyal Smith, Executive Director of Dual Diagnosis Anonymous of Oregon, for one of the most raw and powerful conversations we've had to date. Doyal shares the pivotal moment that turned his life around—sitting alone on a park bench, ready to give up, when a voice offered him a lifeline: “If you help people, I’ll help you.”
That moment launched Doyal on a path of healing and service. In this episode, he opens up about his journey through childhood trauma, addiction, incarceration, and ultimately into leadership within the recovery community. Through DDA’s unique approach to addressing co-occurring disorders, Doyal has helped thousands of people find hope in their darkest moments.
Doyal’s Early Struggles and Turning Point
Growing up in North Portland in a home filled with addiction, violence, and instability, Doyal never had a chance to feel safe. Like many in the recovery community, his early trauma laid the groundwork for a long battle with substance use. Incarcerated multiple times, caught in cycles of despair, and disconnected from support, he found himself at the edge.
Then, sitting on that now-famous park bench, something shifted. That moment became the foundation for the work he would go on to do—most notably with Dual Diagnosis Anonymous of Oregon (DDA), a program that combines traditional 12-step recovery with five additional steps that address mental health challenges.
What Makes DDA Different
Founded by Corbett Monica in 1996, DDA is built on the understanding that many individuals in recovery also live with mental health conditions. Doyal explains how the “12 Steps Plus Five” model creates space for healing that’s inclusive of both substance use and mental health—offering a more holistic approach to recovery.
Under Doyal’s leadership, DDA has expanded access to online meetings, correctional facilities, and communities that previously had no support for dual diagnosis individuals. Their meeting directory and resources continue to grow, supporting people throughout Oregon and beyond.
Connecting Through Community
Throughout the episode, Doyal and Julie connect over shared experiences with trauma, mental health, and recovery. Both emphasize the importance of peer-driven support, authenticity, and showing up for others even when it’s hard. DDA’s approach resonates deeply with those who have felt like they didn’t fit in elsewhere—offering a place where mental health is not a side note but a core part of the healing journey.
For those looking for additional support beyond traditional programs, Doyal also highlights resources like Lunch Bunch and Extended Family AA and culturally specific healing circles like the Wellbriety Circle Meetings, which center Indigenous traditions and spirituality in recovery.
Today, Doyal continues to lead DDA with humility, compassion, and a deep understanding of what it means to walk the hard road. He shares openly about the importance of therapy, community, and not letting shame win. His message is clear: “You can be exactly who you are, and still recover.”
This episode is a reminder that no matter how far gone we feel, hope can meet us exactly where we are—and that helping others often becomes the way we save ourselves.
Listen to the full episode and hear Doyal’s remarkable journey in his own words.
Listen now: https://mdcr1.com/56 Read more episodes: https://mdcr1.com/56b
#RealRecoveryPodcast #DualDiagnosis #AddictionRecovery #MentalHealthMatters #PeerSupport #HopeAndHealing #RealStoriesRealRecovery
@DDAnonymous @ForaHealth @4DRecovery Overcoming Crime, Addiction, and Loss to Build a Movement for Change
In this powerful episode of the Real Recovery Podcast, we sit down with Bear and Zane, the co-founders of Crimanon, a fellowship that addresses an often-overlooked addiction--criminal addiction. While most recovery spaces focus on substance abuse, Crimanon takes a different approach, recognizing that for many, the high of crime itself is just as addictive as drugs or alcohol.
Bear and Zane share their personal journeys of incarceration, loss, and redemption, revealing how their pasts led them to create a movement that is changing lives. From founding the first Crimanon meetings inside Columbia River Correctional Facility to expanding the program into the community, they discuss the challenges of breaking free from crime, the struggles of re-entry, and the critical role of mentorship and structure in long-term recovery.
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Their stories are not just about their pasts—they’re about a future they’re building for others trapped in the cycle of criminal addiction.
Zane’s Story: A Lifetime of Crime, Loss, and Redemption
Zane's past reads like something out of a crime novel--57 felonies, 187 arrests, and years spent in and out of the prison system. But his story isn't about glorifying crime—it’s about what led him there and how he found his way out.
Growing up, Zane was drawn into a lifestyle where crime wasn’t just survival—it was a rush. Like many who struggle with criminal addiction, the adrenaline of getting away with something, the power, and the chaos became a drug in itself. He wasn't just addicted to substances—he was addicted to the life.
"Losing my son to SIDS while I was locked up was the moment I realized I had to change. I couldn’t let my life end in a cage. I had to fight for something bigger than myself." – Zane
His turning point came in the most tragic way imaginable—the loss of his son. His son died while Zane was incarcerated, and he never got to say goodbye. This devastating moment forced him to reflect on his life, his choices, and the legacy he was leaving behind. He realized that if he didn’t change, he would die in prison, just another statistic.
Through Crimanon, Zane found purpose. He now dedicates his life to helping others trapped in the same cycle, showing them that change is possible—even after decades of crime.
Bear’s Journey: Finding Purpose in Recovery
Bear’s path to Crimanon started behind bars, where he began to recognize criminal addiction as a real, diagnosable issue. He saw that many people weren’t just addicted to drugs or alcohol—they were addicted to the thrill, the power, and the identity that crime gave them.
"When I was inside, I saw men come back again and again—not because they wanted to, but because they didn’t know how to live differently. That’s why we built Crimanon—to give people the tools to truly break free." – Bear
With a group of incarcerated individuals, Bear began developing a new kind of recovery program, focused not on substances, but on breaking the mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns that keep people stuck in criminal lifestyles. What started as a prison think tank turned into a full-fledged recovery movement.
Now on the outside, Bear is working tirelessly to expand Crimanon, fighting to get criminal addiction recognized in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) and to provide more resources for those looking to break free from crime.
What Is Criminal Addiction?
Most people understand substance addiction, but criminal addiction is a concept that isn’t widely discussed. Bear and Zane describe it as:
The Challenges of Re-Entry
One of the biggest barriers to change is re-entering society after prison. Bear and Zane discuss how difficult it is to:
Links to Websites Discussed
Crimanon’s Mission & Future Goals
Crimanon is more than just a support group—it’s a movement. Bear and Zane have big goals for the future, including:
This episode is a must-listen for anyone in recovery, anyone who has been impacted by the criminal justice system, or anyone who believes in the power of second chances.
Bear and Zane’s stories prove that no matter how deep you are in the cycle of crime, addiction, and incarceration, change is possible. Through Crimanon, they are giving others the tools, the support, and the hope to break free and build a new life.
If you or someone you know is struggling with criminal addiction, Crimanon is here to help.
#RealRecoveryPodcast #CriminalRecovery #Crimanon #SecondChances #AddictionRecovery #BreakingTheCycle #RecoveryJourney #CriminalAddiction
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